Merry Christmas
by Smiliface
Summary: A little Christmas Zax story.
1. Chapter 1

"Nah, she's on holiday… back after Christmas, apparently". Max felt his heart sink into his stomach. He wasn't sure what he wanted: did he want to get back together? To just be friends? He didn't know, but he did know that he cared enough to not want Zoe to be on her own at Christmas.

But what if she wasn't on her own? Had she found someone else? Max swallowed to stop the tormenting questions and braced himself for a day at work. A day without her. A day wasted.

The day dragged on. Max was busy: there was no shortage of Christmas related incidents, but every time Max heard high heels, every time he turned a corner, he expected to see her. But he didn't. She wasn't coming.

As he saw Connie standing by reception, he remembered how he and Zoe had joked about her being a dragon, how fierce she'd been, but how she'd quietly approved of their relationship, hadn't lived up to Zoe's expectations when she found out about them. He swallowed, butterflies doing somersaults in his stomach. "Connie." He wasn't sure what he wanted to ask. "Err, do you, do you know where Zoe, er, Dr Hanna is? Or when she'll be back? Anything really…" he faltered.

"Mrs Beauchamp" she corrected. "Listen, I don't know what's happened between you and Dr Hanna. Frankly, I don't care, but I can't have her gallivanting off every ten minutes and you moping around like… well… something" she fired at him, waving the notes she was holding so close to him that he had to move his head back to avoid being decapitated. "Ask Dylan. He seems to poke his nose in more than is healthy". Max nodded, thanked her and apologised, although he wasn't really sure why, and wondered why he hadn't thought of Dylan before.

There was only an hour before the end of Max's shift. "Robyn! Have you seen Dylan anywhere?" he questioned his step-sister. "He was in cubicles with Lofty: a patient needed suturing and he didn't think Lofty could cope on his own" she shrugged. "K, thanks" he touched her shoulder as he rushed past, spotting Dylan in the distance leaving the cubicles.

"Dylan, where's Zoe gone? It's important. I reeeaallllyyy need to know" He looked at the older man with desperate eyes, trying to convince him of the need to know where she'd gone. "It's taken you this long to ask?" Dylan looked down at the bowl of sick he was holding. "Seeing as I want to get rid of you so I can empty this" he moved the bowl closer to Max to make a point "she's gone to stay with her parents. In Liverpool.

Max nodded, grateful for the information. He had to find her. He still didn't know what he wanted, but as he zipped up his blue jacket ready to go home, he knew he had to find her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading my first chapter :-) Seeing as it's Christmas, I'll probably update quite quickly. I'm sorry if the story is moving too fast!**

"Thanks" Zoe smiled at her mum as a plate of food was placed in front of her. Toad in the Hole. It was her favourite, and no one could make it as well as Mrs Hanna.

"It's so nice to see you again, Zoe! You're always working, nice to have a break, eh?" Her mum said to her.

"Yeah. Yeah it is. It's a shame it's not in better circumstances, but you have to take what you can get, don't you?"

Her mum nodded at her, attempting to hide the sadness creeping into her eyes. She turned away, walking back to the hob to retrieve the vegetables, drained them, brought them over to the table and sat down opposite her daughter.

"Where's dad?" Zoe asked, pointing at the empty seat at the table. "He's at the hospital, we're trying to take it in turns to be there, and I wanted to see you. It must be what… a year?" she mused.

"Something like that" Zoe mused, not wanting to dwell. She remembered her wedding day. How perfect that could have, should have been. She was glad that her parents hadn't been there to see it. See her.

And Max… Max. She pushed the thought of him away. She didn't know what to think and she wasn't strong enough to think of it now.

"How's she doing?"

"Who? Oh, Fran" Her mother had been miles away. "Yeah, well, she's still with us" Zoe's mum attempted a fleeting smile, and Zoe placed her hand on hers to comfort her. "I know the time will come when we need to let her go, but I'm not ready to make that choice. Not yet. If she could just be here for one more Christmas…" her mother's words drifted off, and Zoe looked around the room, noting that although the usual tasteful decorations and lights had normally been put up by now, her mother's kitchen was void of anything Christmas.

For a moment, she remembered last Christmas. Although she'd spent it alone, she'd known that Max was with her – she'd had his Secret Santa gift and known he loved her. This year… this year she was on her own. And it was her fault. There was no denying that.

"We'll go to the hospital later, mum. I'd like to see her… say goodbye"


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter... things will start happening soon, promise ;) Thanks for reading x**

Liverpool. Well, it was a start. A definite start, but where in Liverpool? Max had believed, had almost convinced Zoe that wherever she was, whenever she needed him, he'd find her. And now he was going to let her down. How could he find her in Liverpool?

He dialled the familiar number, the ringtone sounding stark against his ear, against the quiet of his 'office'. "Come on, Zo" he whispered, sighing as he heard her voice on the answerphone message. Again. "Zoe, please, please call me. I just want to speak to you. To wish you Merry Christmas. I promise" It was a promise he'd have to break. He wanted so much more than that.

"I've got to go" he told himself, texting Robyn to let her know that he'd be away over Christmas, ignoring her standard reply of a 'new squeeze'.

He didn't have a clue how to get to Liverpool, if there was a direct train… "excuse me, mate?" His own voice cut through his thoughts "Yeah, hello" the bored train station employee replied. "I'm er, trying to get to Liverpool." "Liverpool Central, Lime Street or South Parkway" "Err, Central?" Max guessed. "You'll need the next train from platform 1. Get off at Waterloo and there'll be a direct". "Great, thanks" Max replied, walking swiftly towards the train that had just pulled in.

He sat tightly on the train, all the while clutching his mobile. Just in case. He didn't want to miss it if…

The fat man in suit next to him grunted, shifting his head in his sleep. Max moved closer to the window, making himself compact to reduce the squashing that he was enduring. "Come on, come on" he silently willed the noisy train.

Eventually, the train pulled to a halt in Waterloo. Max waited impatiently for his neighbour to move his bulk, checked the seat to make sure he hadn't left anything. Not that he'd brought anything to leave. And alighted the train.

He looked around the station: its lights were a contrast to the dark of the night, and his eyes struggled painfully to adjust to it.

He checked his phone again, and went to Zoe's name. There was a string of messages that he'd sent that had been left unanswered. Had she changed her number? Did she hate him? Was she too embarrassed? He considered sending her a text to say he was on his way to Liverpool, but he didn't want to scare her off. To push her. Or to give her the opportunity of telling him to leave her alone.

Instead, he looked up at the looming boards of train times, their orange lettering and numbering confusing him. He couldn't think. He turned around, bumped into someone. "You alright, love?" the lady asked him "yeah, yeah" it was all too complicated, too much to explain to a stranger.

Eventually, he located the time and platform of a train to Liverpool. It was Central he 'wanted', wasn't it? And made his way, pleased to find it waiting obediently at the platform. He got on: the last leg of his journey about to commence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry sorry I couldn't update sooner - I was ill :( but the rest of the story coming soon! Thanks for reading :)**

"Who keeps phoning you?" Zoe's dad asked her as they waited on plastic chairs, lukewarm plastic coffee in their hands.

Zoe was brought out of her trance and smiled up at her father. "What? Oh, no-one" she faltered, wanting desperately to tell him about her husband, the most amazing man she'd met. But she couldn't. Not at the moment.

"OK", a nurse appeared at the door of the room "She's ready to see you" Zoe clutched her plastic coffee. She'd agreed with her parents that she could have some time with her sister alone. Although she was glad, she was nervous. She'd seen hundreds of patients in a similar state, but it was different when it was her own sister.

"Hi" she whispered as she entered, her voice competing with the machines and their beeping. There was no response. She hadn't expected one. "How are you doing?" she asked the lifeless body of her sister. They'd known her chances were slim since the crash, but their parents had never let go of hope, had wanted Zoe to come, yes, to say goodbye, but maybe, just maybe she'd think of something…

"I love you" she told her sister, wanted to know she'd said it, she touched her lips. Had she ever told her sister that before?

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Keeping a hand on Fran's, she struggled to get it from her pocket, disappointment at seeing it was a text from O2 about her contract, but her heart fluttered at the missed call from Max… what did he want?

She pretended for a moment that they were together. That she'd told him where she was going. He'd wanted to come, but couldn't get time off work, he was calling to see how it was going. He knew she'd need him. In whatever way he could be there.

"Sorry, I er.." Did she have to explain to her unconscious sister? "I got married over the summer". It seemed alien to say it. It hadn't even lasted for 24 hours, yet here she was saying that she was a wife. "I cheated on him. He was the most incredible man… is… and I did that to him" she shook her head at the memory of the fiasco. "Wish you could have met him" she glanced down at the phone, her finger hovering over the voicemail button. Should she press it?

No. Not now. This was the last chance she'd get to see her sister. Alive. If this was alive. She carried on talking to Fran, telling her about Max, about her job, about everything.

She couldn't take any of it in. Was Max really trying to get hold of her? Was her sister really dying? Where were her parents? She didn't want to leave her sister alone.

Eventually, visiting hours were over, and Zoe found herself back at her parents' house. Her heart aching for so much. She crawled up the stairs to her old bedroom, the reminder of being a small child without any fear or worry comforted her. She climbed into the bed, pulling her covers up above her head.

Max's voice played out from the phone, just loud enough to hear. She had to speak to him. She did need him. She pressed number 3, to call the person back and was almost surprised when he answered. "Hello?" "Zoe" She heard her name as a breath, as a sigh.


	5. Chapter 5

p class="MsoNormal""Zoe, Zoe, I'm on a train, if I lose signal, that's why" Max wanted to let her know that he wouldn't hang up on her./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I need you, Max" She'd lost control over what was coming out of her mouth… "I'm on my way, baby, just… tell me the address" Max had forgotten that he still didn't actually know where he was going./p  
p class="MsoNormal""What do you mean? You're, you're on a train to find me?" He heard her voice, full of shock and surprise, and smiled into the phone. "Yeah, yeah I am"./p  
p class="MsoNormal"A short while later, Max got off the train and got into a taxi waiting outside the station. He read the name of the street that he'd noted on his phone, and butterflies began to play in his stomach as they drove./p  
p class="MsoNormal"They pulled up outside a modest house with a green front door, and Max noticed that despite the lights adorning the rest of the houses nearby, this house was void of any Christmas decorations. He nervously knocked on the door, and waited until a small, older lady opened the door, followed by a man of a similar age peering round from the living. He cleared his throat. "Err, hello, I'm here for Zoe. Your daughter, I mean, I presume…" his words trailed off as he caught sight of Zoe stood at the top of the stairs in her pyjamas. She looked smaller, vulnerable without any high heels on, and Max knew from her face that something was wrong./p  
p class="MsoNormal""It's OK" she told her parents, smiling at Max. "Come up" hesitantly, Max made his way up the stairs following Zoe into the little room./p  
p class="MsoNormal""How did you know where to find me?" She asked as they stood looking at each other. "Dylan, er, Dylan said" She nodded her head. "Thank you" she whispered, reaching out to touch his arm gently, surprised when he caught hold of her hand and stroked her fingers gently./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I've missed you"./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Max, you should know" Zoe began, sitting on the edge of the bed and willing him to follow. "My sister, my sister is really ill. She's dying". She looked down at her hands placed on her lap and watched as him came to cover them./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, Zo. I'm sorry, I didn't know. Do you want me to go?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""No! No, it's OK. She was in a car crash, it's all been so sudden. That's why I had to come away for a bit, to see her, to say bye"./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Max nodded, his heart breaking. "I need you Max, I can't do…" She was cut off by him pulling her into a tight hug, his hands stroking her back "shhh, shhh" he comforted her, pulling her down onto the bed until she was lying in front of him, her body curled against his, her face against his chest, making the front of his jacket wet as she sobbed silent, heavy tears./p 


	6. Chapter 6

Although there was peace between them and they could feel the love emanating from the other, the question of what they were, could be, hung over them.

It was 2am when Zoe awoke, her eyes dry and sore from crying. She wasn't sure whether she'd dreamt Max's sudden appearance, but the smell that lingered in the room suggested he had really been there. She felt around for him but couldn't detect him.

As she crept down the stairs, careful to avoid the one that creaked, she was sure she could hear someone breathing, not loudly, not even really hear. Just sense. She crept into the living room to find Max in just his boxers, sitting on the sofa, mug in hand.

He was still and silent as she entered, pulling her dressing gown around her and moving to sit next to him, tentatively placing her hand around his shoulders. "Hey" she whispered into the darkness, acknowledged by Max's small smile.

"Why didn't you tell me, Zoe?" He asked, placing his drink down on the coffee table and reaching out a hand to place it to her cheek. Zoe looked at him, surprised "I didn't, didn't know how to. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to lose you" "About your sister" Max corrected her. "Ohh, I couldn't Max, I'd hurt you so much, I couldn't deal with you not caring and it seemed less real when I hadn't told anyone"

He pulled her close, his lips touching the top of her head "You know, I've always cared about you. Of course I was hurt, of course I was angry, the thought that you'd been with someone else, that one day you might love someone else…" Zoe tried to pull away from his embrace to contest, but he pulled her back. "But I've realised now that I can't live without you. That pushing you away only makes you more likely to… I love you, Zo, I love you so much, and I'll be here for as long as you need me".

She looked up at him with tears running down her face, and he reached out to stroke them away. "Will you be there, when we have to, you know… let her go?" "Yeah, yeah I'll be there. To hold you and to cry and to love you" She nodded silently and pressed her face into his shoulder, comforted by his strong arms.


End file.
